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You could see this as a “wake-up call in your marriage to examine problems in the communication between the two of you and to address this.

Of course your husband should not blame you and he must take responsibility for how he has hurt you with his online behaviour, but the two of you must take responsibility for improving the marriage.

I still feel really unhappy about what he has done.

Up until this, I thought things were okay in our marriage, though of course we haven’t had much couple time with the demands of four children but this discovery has come as a bolt out of the blue.

To move forward, it is important that you continue to talk to your husband and try to understand the extent of his difficulties and what the underlying issues are for him.

For example you can prioritise a daily talking time with your husband when you share how each of you are doing.

This should be time you have alone perhaps when the children are in bed and to make sure it is distraction free (with the computer and TV turned off).

Though it may be painful, the fact that you have started talking about issues is a good sign.

To continue with this process you may wish to seek marriage counselling ( relationshipsireland.com, accord.ie).

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